The 31 Year Old Virgin

Well, not quite but bear with me on this one. You see, I have a confession to make.

Until last Saturday I had never experienced a day-long gaming session with multiple games and opponents since coming back into the hobby two years ago after an eleven year hiatus. Since both the games and I have for the most part changed immensely since then it’s very much like starting afresh. Will all this in mind it was with a mixture of excitement and trepidation that I drove to Melrose in the Scottish Borders with a good friend and fellow gamer by my side and our 40K armies in the boot.

The rules were simple; you had to bring a legal 1,200 point army containing no special characters to fight randomly generated missions from the main rule book. The lack of complexity and the low points cost meant that it should be possible to fit in at least two games each, maybe more if time permitted.

The point limit presented me with many difficulties; as a guard player I’m used to throwing platoons of troops to their deaths with callous disregard while masses of tanks pound the enemy into submission, this time however I had think very small indeed. After days of indecision I decided to go for the following force:

Army List

The basic plan was simple, the infantry elements of my platoon would advance under the cover of my Exterminator and Scout Sentinels while the Heavy Weapons Squad and Leman Russ would provide ranged support. The Vets would be deployed either in support of the main push or to open up a second front in order to capture any objectives or harry the enemy and my Storm Troopers would be kept in reserve so that they could deep strike wherever they could cause maximum disruption. With my force and tactics in place I was as confident as I could be that I’d be able to acquit myself well no matter what I was to face…

Game 1

Opponent: Necrons

Mission: Annihilation

Deployment: Spearhead

Bloody hell but this was a fun game! I’d never played against the new Necrons before so I was really looking forward to seeing how these undead space dudes now worked and I have to say I was very, very impressed.

The brave men of the 57th Menasan face the Necron menace,

Fortunately I managed to deploy and move first so I wasted no time unleashing bloody hellfire onto the lines of remorseless automata and was heartened to see two squads suffer considerable casualties. I was less than impressed a few minutes later when virtually all of the casualties rose back up and rejoined their units!

Not impressed by their refusal to do the honourable thing and stay dead I decided to advance my infantry squads and Exterminator towards their line, this was my first major mistake since it brought the tank within 12’’ of a Scarab swarm. In the days running up to the battle the excellent Doc Bungle of Miniature Musings of a Bear attempted to impart his wisdom onto me. In particular he stressed that under no circumstances should I let anything, especially armour, within the assault range of Scarabs. You know what, he was bloody right; they proceeded to latch onto my lovely tank and knock four points off its armour value!

Not wishing to repeat my mistake I had my Vets deal with the beasties in the following turn but the damage was done, my Exterminator had less armour than a Dark Eldar skimmer and was too much of a liability to use in a frontal assault. Instead I decided to consolidate and blast at the Necrons with everything I had. This tactic was quite successful, I managed to inflict an increasing amount of permanent casualties while only loosing a single infantry squad in its entirely. However at this point the Lychguard struck.

Unfortunately for my opponent, the Lychguard were just out of assault range so I disembarked my vets nearby and issued them with First Rank Fire… which remarkably destroyed the unit! My weakened Exterminator then turned its full fire power onto the accompanying Necron Lord who was very quickly reduced to a puddle of Necroderm. Just as I was starting my ever-so-sexy victory dance the Lord’s Resurrection Orb kicked in and both it and the entire squad rose to their feet. On the next turn they made short work of the Exterminator before routing the Vets the following turn.

Elsewhere the battle was going more my way. My opponent’s Monolith was forced to roll on the Deep Strike Mishap Table so I elected to deploy it in the far corner of the battlefield which greatly limited its effectiveness. My surviving infantrymen were trading fire with the entrenched Necron Warriors and were steadily reducing their number. Everything was very evenly matched.

The stalwart Imperial Guard dig in and trade fire with the unholy automata.

As turn five drew to a close we both had an objective look at the state of play and decided to call it a glorious draw. We reckoned that both sides had inflicted an equal amount of damage, but more importantly we’d had a bloody fantastic time. All games should end this well.

Game 2

Opponent: Grey Knights

Mission: Seize Ground

Deployment: Spearhead

As with the Necrons, I hadn’t faced the new-rules Grey Knights but frankly the thought terrified me. I was playing against another friend who’d made the trip down from Edinburgh and while he’s an accomplished Warhammer Fantasy Battle general this was his first 40K game in a very long time. Just as in the previous game I was able to deploy and go first and again I left my Storm Troopers in reserve.

The brave men of Menasa face, for some reason, the Grey Knights,

Now, I knew that Grey Knights were expensive but the fact that his army consisted of only seventeen models surprised the hell out of me! My force was up against a Terminator Librarian with five Paladins, a five man Terminator squad, a six strong Purifier squad and a Venerable Dreadnought. Also, against the advice of everyone (including me) he elected to deploy all his units on the table, leaving nothing to Deep Strike. In his defence, I’d probably do the same were it my first game since at least he’d have the experience of using all the units, nevertheless this was his downfall.

Likewise the Grey Knights face off against loyal servants of the Imperium.

I knew that all I had to do was knock out seventeen models so on the first turn I didn’t advance as one would normally given the mission. Nevertheless it left me in a position to start pounding his army with unrelenting fire power and since he had to advance through this to my objective he was at a distinct disadvantage.

To cut a short story shorter I eliminated his Paladins and Librarian thanks to the combined fire of my Exterminator (love the multimeltas) and my Heavy Weapons Team by the end of the third turn. On the fourth turn my Vet squad finished off his normal Terminators without leaving their Chimera.

At this stage all he had left was his Dreadnought and the Purifiers, not nearly enough to stop my force from over-running his objective. After the fourth turn my honourable opponent conceded, it was a well fought game and the only thing which limited him was his lack of experience; I’ve known this gentleman for years and I’m certain that with a few more games under his belt he’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

In conclusion this was a Saturday well spent. I met some fantastic new people who I hope to game with soon and I played my first games against two new armies which taught me a lot. If only all weekends could be this productive!

Also, and this goes out to everyone, do not underestimate the wisdom of Doc Bungle; had I listened to him I may well have won my fight against the Necrons. The next round of toast is on me, dear Bear!